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gazza

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just like the tow truck operator :ph34r: ,,, who is always just around the corner from a roundabout that has detergent emptied on it on a wet morning ;)

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It was a slow week

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Came down to Batemans Bay in January and saw a beautiful old wooden boat docked near the bridge. Wanted to take some photos of it when we moved here. Wasn't expecting to take this photo though...

 

imag0178.jpg

 

 

Got a promo email today. Aparently there is a new blockbuster just released on DVD about my old Ford Festiva! Not sure the car is worth $26.97

 

2012-03-19_10-00-58.jpg

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A guy goes into a bar, orders and drink and says to the barman 'I had a terrible fight with the wife this evening, but in the end she came crawling to me on her hands and knees'. Barman says 'What did she say?'. 'She said, come out from under the bed, you coward'.

Edited by Graham Lane

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Yeh they were slowly lowering the "brand new boat" into the water when one of the support cables broke sending the guy's million dollar toy to the bottom

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Reckon the guy on board that boat was doing some pretty loud crow impersonations.

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The missus bought a Paperback

down town, Saturday,

I had a peep into her bag;

...T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

 

Well I just left her to it,

At ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread…..

 

In her left hand she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down onto the floor,

And then began to strip.

 

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Doris hasn’t weathered well;

She’s eighty four next week.

 

Watching Doris bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

Things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and…

Said I must dominate her!!

 

Now if you knew our Doris,

You’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I’d muttered.

 

She stood there nude, naked like;

Bent forward just a bit ….

I thought what the hell,

Stepped forward,

and stood on her left tit!

 

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;

My god what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

“Step on the other one”!!

 

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;

About what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,….

Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.

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What do you call an inform Australian batsman .................... retired

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And yes, she was Asian .......

 

IMG_1016_zpsc19bc3a1.jpg

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What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag.

 

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

 

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

 

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their personalities..

 

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

20 kgs.

 

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

 

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

 

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

 

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

 

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in Grade 9.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.....

 

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrari?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

 

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 'Are you sure it's mine?'

 

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

 

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment

 

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?

An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

 

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F..... Word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

 

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?

 

 

 

 

 

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time.'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiiit'.

 

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

 

 

 

 

 

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

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For those that enjoyed the morning run along Newbridge Rd today, here's the reason .............

 

20140612_085219_zps55240452.jpg

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